I Give Up

Yes, I give up. These are probably the last words you would want to read when you're seeking motivation. Well, I apologize, this isn't one of those TED talks nor is it one of my usual political rants. I completely dedicate this entry to myself and to my fellow bloggers who are most likely experiencing the same. I am here to empathize with you.

I am not complaining about my family. I love them. I love them to the sole entity, the entire existence of my soul. They are the "best" family anyone can ever have, but nothing is perfect and ultimately has its flaws. My father is a tad arrogant, my mother has extreme inferiority complex, and my sister  kisses up to either or both. I on the other hand, am the one who receives the brunt of it all. Though, I am not here to narrate my family's history. Shit like that will remain skeletons in my closet.

I feel unappreciated and misunderstood despite my parents' denial when I open up the issue to them. Before you judge me as that bratty little punk bitch kid that doesn't love his parents and fucking bitches about everything he doesn't get, I assure you that I am still in the right mind and I am NOT undergoing any rebellious phase or anything of the sort.

I don't know. Even if they assure me "You are our son, and we love you  no matter what happens," It still somehow feels like "You are an investment, and when the time comes for us to collect, you better deliver". I don't know, I feel like a 2nd class citizen. The folks somehow find it easier and more convenient to just pass on haste judgement upon me rather than attempting to understand and talk to me. Boy, the first feeling is that I plead fucking guilty. It's seems so simple for them to spit out "You arrogant stupid little punk," than "Why? What's going on? Can I be of help?"

It's easier for them to blame me and me alone without considering at all any variable that lead to my mishap. Indeed, I concede tho the premise that it is human nature for people to see the negative aspects of their neighbors among the positive ones. My mistake was believing that "human nature" didn't apply to "family". I thought fame, shame, pride, face, image, and shit the like didn't matter, and in the end, love prevails, family is stronger. I thought we'd stick it out regardless. Well that was a harsh truth. Probably the most jagged pill I had to swallow. 

Thank God for liquor, and I can now forget this shit as quickly as they forgot that they have a son who came down the mountains searching for home, wherever "home" may be.

Public Execution

     What is life? What is law? What is the law of life? Is it kill or be killed, or is it implementing judgement upon others as just as the eyes of the law see fit?

     Ever since the new administration began pulling the strings around here, well over a hundred drug-related deaths have been recorded and the names on paper gradually become names on tombstones. Sometimes, I make myself think if being identified as a drug user/pusher and confronted by the authorities, have your records state your drug dependence is bad enough. I think it is. Unfortunately, the current administration doesn't. What's "bad enough" or in certain cases, "good enough" for them is your corpse on the floor, a shameful remarking sign on your chest, and your records saying "assault (aggreviated) on a police officer".

     Left and right, people from the slums are being hunted down like game and make the country believe that they were shot justifiably since they "resisted and fought back". I mean, fucking really? Even if I smoke all the pot and crack in the world, I'm not going to "fight the fuck back" a truckload of police officers armed to the bloody teeth, while I grab my water gun. Go figure.

     Now, Senator Leila De Lima, former DOJ Secretary, is filing a request for a probe on the "war against drugs" campaign to find  out if the reported hundred-so killings are actually "justified". The problem with that is that the PNP states that she has insufficient evidence to back up such a case and to which it cannot reach court yet. This is highly suspicious to me because if they're not hiding anything, what harm can it do, right?! Now the majority of poorly educated Filipinos are bashing her online and demands her resignment otherwise they would "impeach" her. On the other hand, I'm here thinking "too bad senators can't get impeached, son. Tough luck". I really find nothing wrong with a simple investigation in which the findings (assuming there will be) will only affect those guilty of the crime. Why is everybody so fucking jumpy?!

     Here's what I think, and I think this is the easiest way to fic this mess. Body cams, right? Friggin' brilliant. All servicemen in the United States be it civilian (police and secret service) or military, each of them wears a body/helmet cam that records their daily operations. What's the purpose? Its purpose is to collect all reliable data of the operation from the operator's point of view, so when shit hits the fan, the who, what, when , where, and how can now be answered.

     "We don't have the money for those equipment, duh. We're a third world country, hello?" NO. ZIP IT. I don't intend ALL servicemen to utilize these things, I only require the operators INCLUDED in the campaign against drugs, the squads and teams that operate and go "on the hunt". You can get a Nike Pro or even tape your own smartphone on your head for all I care, just get it done. Bottomline is we have to know if the men they shoot are ACTUALLY armed AND fighting back, both, not either. At the end of the day, this is one of the simplest answers to the lingering questions, "Are we fighting the war against drugs, or the war against the poor?" 

Guns Don’t Kill People, but They Surely Help Them

Guns Don’t Kill People, but They Surely Help Them

Recently, there has been massive political unrest in the United States over the incident of the Orlando shooting. Over fifty people have died and the motive of the crime is still being investigated. Now, what need or problem does the incident suggest in the status quo?

Gun laws surrounding firearm possession are ineffective and insufficient. Various organizations, such as the National Rifle Authority (NRA), even go against it, saying that the 2^nd amendment which is “the right to bear arms” shall be prevalent. Even a great number of the public agree with these organizations for they, too possess a firearm, and the “gun culture” of a “true American” has been instilled in them like the blood flowing through their veins.

What evidence does the incident provide to support this claim? Well first of all, how did a man walk into a bar on an open street with an assault rifle? In addition, this is no ordinary assault rifle. The infamous Avtomat Kalashnikov 47 brags a 7.62 armor-piercing round which is powerful enough to penetrate walls, vehicles, and military-grade Kevlar. Having mentioned this, we now go to the roots of this particular case. How was the shooter able to purchase such a powerful and lethal weapon, and where? Was he able to pass all the tests and screenings for him to be qualified to possess the weapon, or did he just purchase it from the black market? Many questions and mysteries branch out from this single event, yet it all points towards the government’s incapability to control and monitor its own implementations.

What plan or course of action do I recommend? Well here comes the long and boring part. This is the part where I explain by detail what I think should be done or implemented to avoid such tragic incidents from happening again.

It is statistically stated that states that have more gun ownerships are the ones that have the most gun-related crimes, go figure. It also true that the United States is a country that even encourages its people to possess firearms. I think that gun laws should be narrowed down and specified to be more effective, more convenient for the authorities to monitor, and safer for the people of the state. I would wish for the US Amendment be reformed to mirror gun laws here in the Philippines. Level 1 weapons (pistols, handguns, sidearms) and level 2 weapons (shotguns, bolt-action hunting rifles) are the only weapon types a civilian is allowed to possess. Level 3 weapons (submachineguns) and level 4 weapons (assault rifles) are the weapon types that only military personnel are allowed to have for personal possession. Level 5 weapons or the exotic types (RPGs, LAWs, machineguns, etc) are weapon types that only a government military entity is allowed to possess for official use. What does this solve? It still provides personal safety and home defense (assuming that’s what everybody with a firearm has in mind) without the capability to overpower. I was going to say kill, but even without a gun, any human being has the power to kill another. Overpower here means that without strong firepower, a single shooter doesn’t have the capability to overpower the police and/or start a mass shootout.

If you’re an American, you would say, “you’re violating my rights!” But now I tell you, “How many of you are violating others’?” If the entire purpose of possessing a firearm as you say is for personal or home defense, then there shouldn’t be a problem since you’d be shooting a man or two, not Tupac (hope you get the reference), and a couple of bullets is enough. Now if you say that this is your defense when America gets invaded or attacked (which is the original purpose stated in the amendment), believe me, that isn’t going to happen. I mean really? Really, invasion, America, you’re threatened? Really? “Terrorists” have more right to both bear firearms and to say this statement since it’s America invading them. At the end of the day, this sends a message to the people that their rights to firearm possession for self and home defense are not violated, but rather limited to a point where they are not allowed to possess firepower that goes beyond that primary purpose.

I AM

Whenever people ask me "Who are you," I tell them, "I'm the son of Col. Bajet, sir/ma'am."
Same as to whenever people recognize me, they say, "You're Col. Bajet's son, right?"
It's a vicious cycle of "who's who" and "what's what".
All around me, I feel eyes watching, staring closely at me, I can feel a thousand souls breathing down my neck.
You would think that my family would feel insecure in the process? No. They enjoy the attention.
They love the fact that the nobility that defines us is the nobility of being better than our fellowmen.
Next thing I knew, I was shipped to Camp All Your Privileges Mean Squat.
Why? Well I guess it's because they wanted me to fly birds of war high in the vastness of the sky and space and look down upon all those people who knew us, all those people we, no, THEY have bested.
As they look up to me in the heavens, my father magnifies his glory.
"Mr. You!" an upperclassman shouts, "What's your name?!"
"Cadet 4th Class Bajet, sir!", "The son of Col. Bajet?" , "Yes, sir!"
You see? everybody knows my father, not me.
To them, I'm sperm of my father that will proceed to live his glory and legacy long after he sleeps.
To them, I'm the continuation of something great.
Then I had an epiphany that pricked my heart like thorns on a rose. I was not meant to have an existence, but merely be a tool to extend my father's.
But now that I have returned to sleep a "sound" night in four walls of shame and disappointment,
Everybody now sees me.
I'm now branded as the dust in the corner that was covered behind my father's shadow,
The spitting image of a great man I could never become.
Nonetheless, I pursue my happiness, my purpose, my existence.
THen I realized that true nobility is not being better than others, but being better than myself.
I might not ever be able to introduce myself as Lt. Bajet,
But from now on, whenever somebody asks me "Who are you?"
I'll tell them straight in the eye with the purest of smiles... "I AM".

It's Nothing Personal. It's Just Business.

"Do your part, and I'll do mine." It's a statement which you will most commonly hear from your teachers in high school and sometimes in college. It's a statement which implies business, rather than personal ties. As it suggests, it's more like a business deal more than a matter of trust. Trust? Well you do entrust your efforts to your educator with hopes that he will do his part by rewarding you for it.  Well, we do consider this idea, but let's try to look a tad bit closer. You'd find that it's particularly a means of trade, a "give and take" sort of system.

Ah, sometimes you should take it as plain and simple as it is. But let's consider the connotative meaning of this. Consider the thought that it may be a form of defense mechanism of the teacher.It's like a big sign post on his head saying, "If you FAIL, I have NO part of it." This is a dreadful gesture of irresponsibility, ironically, of the TEACHER'S PART. Somehow, the teacher is implying that his performance is based on and defined by the students'. In an educational institution, no, in the entire system itself, it is the TEACHERS who should give first and then take. Pupils enter school equipped with only the little knowledge they have gained at home. It is the system's responsibility and the teachers' duty to make sure that these pupils will be armed to the teeth to face and survive the great battle of life and become productive members of the community.

Now there might be a few questions and violent reactions that may be lurking around since, after all, this is an unpopular opinion. Hold on for a sec. I'm not saying that a teacher should pass you if you don't do squat and are lazy as shit. I'm also not saying that this applies to ALL educators that might have used this statement. I'm just saying that such a statement of poor choice of words is detrimental even to the slowest pupil in class. "Do YOUR part, and I'll do MINE". See? Doesn't that suggest something like "Be a good student then I'll be a good teacher,"? As an educator, he should do his best regardless of the class and the people in it. It is his responsibility, his duty, his obligation. It's written on their magna carta. When a student in your class, for example, is having a hard time to cope, regardless of it being intentional or unintentional, do YOUR BEST, bruv. If he's not "doing his part", then let the system flunk him and make him repeat the bloody term., but as of you, DO NOT ABANDON THE KID. This is why there's a stigma of "terror teachers". Kids nowadays fear these "terror eachers" for they believe that regardless of their work, they're still in the mercy of these educators. They're afraid that they will be betrayed and that the educator might not keep "his end of the deal". 

This leads me te RESPECT. Yes, respect. Personally, I give my respect to authority right off the bat not only because of the fact that I'm a proper nationalistic, law-abiding, God-fearing citizen, but also of of the thought that those in authority had their share of struggles to become who they are now in front of me. But not all teachers should expect that ALL their students to be as "submissive" as I am. There are prideful, arrogant, egotistical, or conflicted youth in which you have to "earn" their respect, which leads me to the saying, "To get respect, you've got to earn it by giving it." As an educator, you don't have to please us or compliment us or commend us etc. You respect us by giving us what we came to school for. You respect us when you don't underestimate us (which is by the way, a form of descrimination.) To respect us is simple, come in prepared. Be professional. You don't expect respect from us when you come in and sit down and give us handouts and paperwork. We don't pay you to give us a copy of something we can printout and read at home. We want verbal and at the same time, visual dispersion of information. We want HUMAN INTERACTION. Come in the class as if you WANT to teach us. We may not at first WANT to go to school since we only NEED to, it is still your job to make us interested, then inspired, and lastly, invested. Through this, you give us a reason greater than "need" to go to school. If you come in and teach us with everything you've got, you make us feel special, wanted. You make us feel important, crucial and essential future contributors and members of the community. 

So it all boils down to this... If you don't fail us, I promise you, we will not fail you.

P.S. I respect educators right off the bat, but again, if you treat us like a fool by making a fool out of yourself in front, well... figure it out =)

Faith

It's been quite some time since I last blogged. So to my loyal readers out there, if any of course, here's another blog that I felt like sharing.

I'm  not entirely religious nor am I sentimental, but believe me when I tell you that He is around. When people talk about religion, it's a matter of science and fiction, bias and perspective. I my personal experience, it's a matter of faith. Faith is such a powerful thing. For something intangible yet more present than anything else, it has decided the flow of events which have made history in international and personal matters. Combined with determination, faith can make ordinary people accomplish extraordinary things. "When there's a will, there's a way," as most people would say it. Well, let me add something to that, "When there's faith, there's hope". What both things have is positive energy, and it's this energy that keeps us sharp and strong. It's what makes our heart, soul, and spirit incorruptible. To be honest, faith has saved me countless of times over the years.

Five years ago when I was still in primary education, I desperately wanted to become a science high school student. It's not that I'm arrogant or that I wanted to be better in any way than my fellowmen, but it's just my family's culture, tradition, my upbringing, in which HONOR, PRIDE and PRESTIGE are what define me as a generation of my family and a member of our home. This was the main reason I wanted to become a science high schooler, not the idea that their curriculum is slightly advanced than others, because frankly, I don't believe in that nonsense. So I prayed and prayed, and guess what. I passed the entrance exam.

Here comes the funny part. When I was already a science high school student, specifically Paranaque Science High School (I passed MakSci and ManSci, but this was closest to home), I then prayed to survive my four years without any issues. You see, every science high school has a probation system. When you get a single subject with a final grade any lower than 85, you've got one year to change your fate or you're out of the program. In my 2nd and 4th year, a lot of people got taken out of the program (kicked out), and some of my friends were on probation. Everybody was worried and so was I. Honestly, I don't study. I never study, for that matter. It's not a feat that I'm proud of, but what I lacked in effort I made of for prayers HAHA, go figure. By the time that I graduated, I have managed to survive four years without ever being on probation.

Also during my 4th year, I was about to take the entrance examination for the Philippine Military Academy. I had prepared for this since I was a kid. Again, I didn't review anything. When judgement day came, I passed the exam and came in ranked 186th of the 300 quota of the 2000+ passers of the 20,000+ applicants nationwide! But it wasn't over for me. There was still another exam -CPE or the Complete Physical Examination. We would undergo a thorough medical evaluation (you have no idea what cadet applicants go through here. I really mean THOROUGH like a finger up your ***-kind of thorough). I had to undergo a lot of medical and surgical operations to be fit enough for the Academy. Aside from that, I was ranked 97th most physically fit of the 300 quota. From that point on, I lived, even for a short while, a glory that can never be replaced. Again, I had my god to thank for that.

When I stepped foot on the Academy, that's when I was greatly humbled. I'd get to be beaten every day and night, starved as I was deprived of food, and forced to comply exercises which my malnourished body obviously cannot cope. That's when my wishes and prayers became very simple. In the silence of the room when my squadmates are dead asleep, I would pray silently, whispering to God's listening ears. "Please make my squad leader feed me tomorrow," "Please give him a good heart and mood to no make me do a push-up for every letter in a letter my mother sends me," "Please give me the strength to stay for I do not want to go home a half a man and  a great dissappointment to my father." He gave me the first two, but he didn't give me the last. Nonetheless, I kept praying. He gave me an opportunity to find myself. He gave me a choice, and I decided on my own. He was helping me in a way that I could use my legs and help myself. What makes me love Him more is that despite all my failures in life, His plans never fail. Here I am, a student at a prestigious school such as APC, a member of APC Speaks where I can openly speak out my mind and heart, and a new family has opened their arms to me. Life can't always be up nor always down. It's the struggles in life which makes us human. After all, we're not like animals that eat, sleep, populate, die, and repear, right? This is what God made for humans to differ from animals. He lets us live our own lives the way that we need to and the way that we WANT to. So have faith. Whn the time comes that science and man cannot explain certain events and happenings in life, it's best to believe in a higher power. That's where you get the inspiration and enlightenment. Amen. HAHA

Ignite Speech Competition

Honestly, I didn't expect I'd win...

I think my trainer, Sir Daroy, didn't think so as well...maybe... I didn't show him my power point presentation until the competition. We did a run down of my speech and he thought it was great, though I didn't know if he was trying to be nice or trying to be sarcastic, either way, I didn't get the message. Though he told me something clear, "Something entertaining, Benj". That was a lifesaver. I have poor public speaking skills, and as a debater, I am more confident of talking about politics, economy, and nationalism. I was supposed to discuss how the Church, certain cultural traditions, and liberal democracy itself  play a part in hampering state progression. Close shave, huh?

It was a sleepless night for me, the night before the competition. Why the procrastination you say? Well, the entire weak was hectic for me. I was the leader of our class' speech choir competitions and rehearsals were killing me since we had to adjust to the ever changing schedule of our "special" or rather "challenged" mates. I was also busy finalizing and catching up with dues, after all, it was finals week, judgement week. Anyway, I was busy editing my speech, well, I completely changed the damned thing to fit twenty 15-second slides under five minutes. It was around 12:59 that time and I told myself when the clock strikes morning, I'm hitting the hay. To my regret, I didn't. I had to finish my speech and begin with my power point presentation. I didn't want to disappoint Sir Daroy who had utter faith in me, and I didn't want to fail myself. I wanted to win, but if I had to lose, I'd make sure I lost presenting and delivering to my standard. By 0430h, I was done. I shut my eyes for a couple of minutes to wake up in the blast of my alarm, and yeah, as expected, it's 0530h.  So I ate little and began with my hygienic activities. Once I was all dressed up, I rushed to school.

It was a very unlucky strt of the day for me. I hitched a ride in a UV  Express in BF Homes. I shut my eyes to have a short nap to catch with my sleep, and like a (female dog), I woke up at Star City. I'm about a mile two from the Heritage Hotel -my original drop zone. So I ran and ran, and ran until I found a jeepney terminal that would bring me to Heritage via Taft Ave. The traffic was horrible since the roads were narrow and just my luck, market day. Once at Metropoint, I hopped in a jeepney to school. Damn, was EDSA congested like souls in purgatory. My detour took me about an hour or so, but thankfully, I wasn't late for the program.

I was the last speaker for the ignite. That means there are four other speakers whom I should observe to determine how (effed) I was. I underestimated the competition, they were REALLY GOOD, especially the first speaker. She was discussing about certain struggles and glories of being a daughter of a military officer. It was an honor for me to compete with her because her father was an Air Force pilot who graduated from the Academy. She prepared for her speech very well. She had a calm, subtle, soothing voice, and her transitions were smooth. Also, she closed her eyes (I believe) the entire speech, and she not once looked at her slides, she was perfectly synchronized with her presentation.

I barely memorized mine so I said that I'd just wing it. What I had that the others didn't was an "entertaining" speech. I wasn't confident that mine was better, it wasn't haha. I was confident because I knew mine was different. I  knew that I had to deliver this speech as lively as possible, I had to make the audience, especially the faculty and judges, to shake their  limbs. And surprisingly, I did.

I got really pumped up  when I realized that the crowd was responding to my  questions and gestures. They laughed at my jokes and puns, my class was cheering for me, and I even noticed the faculty clapping halfway my speech. When I  saw Sir Daroy clap, I told myself  "Mission Accomplished". 

I have already met my trainer's expectations, now it's time to go for the kill.